Column 8

We now know why there are so many public parks with toilet facilities between here and Yeppoon. It's so that a former President didn't disgrace himself due to a weak bladder. We couldn't stand it if he blew a "gasket".

Which past president gets the award for the best imitation of John Clease while dialling for RACQ at 11.00pm at night? It was a real "Turn" up for the books!

Same ex-president had trouble finding his own room after a night out in the town. After breaking down the door of the motel room manager's room and encountering the unbelievable sight of the manager's wife in all her bedtime finery. He eventually "Turned in the right direction and found another room to camp in.

Visiting Rockhampton will never be the same again particularly now that a past vice-president's mating call has been silenced. "Clarke Clarke"!

It's just as well a former Treasurer "Van klickly tor the bus" or he may have had to walk a very long way to Hervey Bay.

Byron Bay tourist guides still draw attention to the site where a President was finally refused service due to her inebriated state during a National Titles.  Our ears are still ringing to the sound of "craw" as she relieved her stomach of it's contents. Great way to get yourself permanently on the right side of the law!

Video tapes are now very closely scrutinised before bus trips due to the un "blue" eivable choices of one Past President. Almost "Robbed" us all of a good time except that he remembered to include The Thunderbirds in his selection. This performance was only topped by another ex-president's inspiring choice of Albie Mangles all the way to Airlie Beach Nationals and back.  "Les ley forget"!!

Breath testing has become mandatory for all steerers after the renowned performances of one of our most upstanding Life Members. He would give anyone a "Rum" for their money!

Remembering phone numbers has always been a problem for some blonds. This was never more apparent than at a recent regatta when a well known Waihini blond attempted to ring her hubby at home on her mobile. After calling a number of times only get the busy signal she suddenly realised she was ringing her own mobile number!  What a tangled "Webster" we have.

No-one had ever fully appreciated the versatility of the American Express card before a certain past president informed us all that he didn't need to pack a tent to go camping at Wivenhoe as he had a credit card.  Left the rest of us whistling "Dixie".

Speaking of versatility, we never realised the many uses of a wafer biscuit until a recent trip to Hamilton Island. We all "Ken" learn from the experience.

Others have had to show even more initiative, like a certain crew of novice police recruits who on their first ever paddle decided that Round Island was the go.   They remembered to take the carton but forgot the buckets. Led to an interesting adventure of bailing out a capsized canoe with a plastic bag full of holes.  Sounds like a load of BULLdog but they made it back just in time!

Valuable lessons are learned by all of us at the most unexpected times. A former President and a former Vice President found this out when they spent too long in a pub during a trip home from a regatta and their lift left without them. However where there is a "Wils" there is a way home so the "LindSAY"!

Now we don't like to pick on blonds too much but sometimes you just can't help it. Especially when a certain Secretary tells jokes with one or two bad words in them and promptly covers the mouth of the closest child and tells them not to listen! She certainly needs to "Iron" the creases out of these types of performances or she will never get back to Hamilton Island!

Often at regattas we are fortunate enough to have some star studded competitors which puts a bit of "Curry" into all of our performances. There is one regatta famous Race Director who is definitely able to "Taylor" the curry to suit his taste but one past vice-president who just runs for cover! Good thinKEN!

See you next decade.....